६टः इयर ऑफ़ ज़िम्बाब्वे TALKS

6 TH YEAR OF ZIMBABWE TALKS

AU election body : The elections were not free and fair.

AU, Egypt meeting : We all agree that the elections were not free and fair. We now beg his Excellency, comrade president Mugabe to form a government of national unity by engaging MDC within SADC negotiating framework with facilitation from president Mbeki


ONE MONTH LATER

Uncle Bob : what really worries you my prime minister

Chematama : A snare, I think a lovely snare. I can feel the signal

Uncle Bob : But you will be my prime minister

Chematama : With what powers?

Huyakwese : My friend, lets laugh whilst this lasts. Uncle Bob has been very generous to us, don’t you see that. You will be the prime minister, and I will be your vice prime minister with the home affairs portfolio. You don’t have to worry about uncle Bob but rather you should be wary of that old schemer, your other vice prime minister with the defence portfolio. That one is the real snake in the grass and I don’t want him in my council of ministers, infact our council of ministers. But let’s sign this deal before Uncle Bob changes his mind.

Chematama : Don’t you see young fool that it’s a trap, he has sweetened our cakes with stupid posts

Huyakwese : Then cut the cake and lets all celebrate my friend

Chematama : Let me go and think about it and consult with my party
( Chematama exit)



Uncle Bob : I have always told you that he is a sell-out. He is going to consult with that McGee ambassador

Mbeki : (addressing journalist). Our prime minister has asked for some time to consult. I have always told you the best solution would come from the Zimbabweans, and I expect a deal to be signed in the next 24 hours

Zimbabwean : When will they sign that bloody deal. We are so sick and tired of hearing these promises everyday

Zimbabwean : Lets give thanks to our African brother Thabo for he has done a great job to bring them to negotiations. Didn’t you see they even shook hands a couple of weeks ago.

Zimbabwean : What shaking hands! Mbeki is a traitor. He is the old boy’s friend and don’t expect any deal any sooner

Zimbabwean : I wonder where I could find food to eat today? I last ate three days ago. I wish Mad Bob, Chematama, and Huyakwese could be eaten


2 DAYS LATER

Vavi: SADC shouldn’t invite Mad Bob and that ladies lover kanga-man from that small kingdom country. We are going to strike like nobody has ever seen if these dictators come to their SADC talkathon thing. We are going to bring Johannesburg to a standstill.

Malema: Yes comrade! We will kill for Mugabe, but if that white kangaroo human rights organisation refuses us to kill for Mugabe then we might even kill for Mswati.

AT THE SADC MEETING

Mbeki : Gentleman and gentle ladies we have negotiated a settlement for Zimbabwe and what’s left is the signing ceremony. But I want to ask you fellow leaders to force Tsvangirai to sign it
( Mad Bob nodes his head and smiles in agreement with Mbeki).

SADC : You have got to sign this deal or else we wont allow you to stay in southern Africa, or even to visit our countries, infact we will deport you to Britain, like what old- man Mbeki is doing to your fellows here caught in this cyclone negrophobia thing.

Chematama : I will not sign unless if I am given significant executive powers to curb Mad Bob’s excessive irrationalities, and I also do not want to report to Mad Bob, but to parliament for starters.
(He leaves the meeting).

Huyakwese : He wants all the powers for himself so what power-sharing deal would that be if he takes all of good uncle Bob’s powers? Too bad I have to go back to Zimbabwe without anything but for him to take all of Uncle’s powers? No!

Mbeki : I thought he would be pressured to sign but it seems not. That’s the best deal I had negotiated from my best friend Mugabe, It was really a good beginning, but I have to start all over talking to that old wiser again, and its something I don’t want to do again. Tsvangirai should simply have signed, but, maybe he doesn’t know how to sign it, after all the fellow is not educated, but he signed that other hoodwink paper in Harare, didn’t he? The wine is wasting away in that beautiful Harare hotel where I have enjoyed spending the best part of this year in. Such a waste! But, of course----, let’s give him some time to reconsider.

Uncle Bob: Time is not what I have friend. Those Brishit browns and damn American bushes are pounding on my front door, back door, roof and all the windows and very soon they will take me to that damn American security council thing and their crime war court thing, you know!

Mbeki : Don’t worry my friend. Remember we still have our Russian and Chinese friends. You know that with Vietnam and that other poor African country, the five of us will block those imperialist British and Americans until god-knows when.

Uncle Bob : Thanks old boy. I will give you another farm next time you make your frequent visit to my beloved country. You know Zimbabwe is mine forever. I was given that country by our spirit mediums Mbuya Kaguvi and Sekuru Nehanda, no, no, it must be the other way round, that is Sekuru Kaguvi and Mbuya Nehanda. But my friend you can do that lie-thing of yours to those bastard brishit newsman over there. I wish Blair was still there. It had been so easier to out-fox him all these years because he talked too much and didn’t do anything of whatever he could have said. He is like those Blair toilets we have in my country. (They laugh). But with this Brown thing, I am so scared of him, and don’t you see that even the British themselves are as scared of him as I am. (He chuckles). And that warmongering son- of- a- bitch, “Shoes” Bush, noo, no, no ,no I don’t want him on my back, no my friend!

Mbeki : Don’t worry!(Addressing journalist). We will continue negotiating and a deal is very likely in the next day or so, and as I have always told you it must be Zimbabweans who should decide their destiny and the deal they want, so negotiations will be continuing.

Zimbabwean : So what does that mean?

Zimbabwean : I don’t know, maybe it means other 5 years with the old Mad Bob, again?

Zimbabwean : iiii,uhiii,uuu

Zimbabwean :